Shawnda Muir
February 18, 2021

Dear friends, 

Building a strong, lifelong marriage takes consistent, intentional effort over time. Emotions ebb and flow with seasons and life circumstances. Sometimes love feels like hard work, while other times it’s effortless.

Many couples experience times in their relationship when they feel as though they need to refocus on one another. If you feel as though you’ve drifted apart, it might be time to fall in love with your spouse again. The great news is that there are many ways to reset and refresh your marriage.

Want to know more? Please dive in to this post from Dr. Les and Leslie Parrott.

REEVALUATE YOUR EXPECTATIONS.

Often, when feelings between spouses grow cold, there has been some breach of expectations, whether spoken or unspoken. It’s important to reevaluate your expectations for one another and examine whether disappointment or disillusionment have cooled your loving feelings.

Unmet expectations can create unnecessary resentment. Freeing yourself from unnecessary resentment is a fantastic way to cultivate loving feelings toward one another again.

Expectations are relative, depending on the situation, the couple, and the specific expectation. Some expectations can be adjusted in order to reduce or eliminate feelings of resentment toward one another. Maybe your spouse doesn’t do certain things to your personal preference, but if they’re not truly hurting anyone, you could consider adjusting those expectations. As long as adjusting your expectations doesn’t result in harm or enable abusive or destructive behavior, it’s perfectly acceptable to consider making adjustments.

TAKE A BREAK FROM DISTRACTIONS.

If your life is too noisy, then that noise might be drowning out your love. Make a point to take a break from distractions and focus your attention on each other. If a weekend getaway is an option for you, consider taking a few days just to enjoy being together. If not, create some boundaries in your home that make it easier for you to set distractions aside.

Work together with your spouse to create some distraction-free times that work for both of you. This doesn’t have to be an exhaustive process. Just build in some times during your day to focus on each other.

STOP COMPETING AND CELEBRATE EACH OTHER.

Daily life is stressful, and it’s easy to get caught up in–and separated by–the grind. Unfortunately, many couples also find themselves competing, too. Competition between spouses is often centered around splitting up household duties or who is more exhausted after a hard day at work. But sometimes it’s more insidious. Sometimes, spouses butt heads over goals and aspirations, whether or not those goals are career-centric.

If you’re feeling the friction of competition in your own marriage, this can chip away at your admiration for one another. Instead, take a step back and start celebrating each other again. Celebrate your spouse’s accomplishments, while separating your own aspirations from theirs. If you support one another, you’ll not only cultivate warm, fuzzy feelings once again–you’ll also (both) be more likely to accomplish your goals.

APPRECIATE THEM FOR WHO THEY TRULY ARE.

Life moves at high speed, and busyness can blind us to who we married. Take time to see your spouse for who they really are, and celebrate that. Appreciating who you fell in love with in the first place is a surefire way to fall in love with them all over again.

Your individual quirks and differences can actually bring you closer together, if you navigate them well. Our book, I Love You More, will help you turn prickly issues into positives–which, in turn, will help you love one another better. Get your copy here.

Click here to check out many marriage video clips from Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott.  Or here to go to MMOC's marriage website pages for previous posts and other info. 

Contact our MFL team for marriage support anytime.

God Bless,

Your Marriage, Family and Life Team